So I’ve written and scrapped two posts before coming to write this one. I wasn’t sure I was adequately conveying the points I wanted to convey. One was about motivation, the other about view points. This one started out as being about idea searching. But I’ve noticed with everything I wanted to write it all comes down to the changes in me and how I’ve grown.
Legally, I’m an adult, yet most days I still don’t feel like it. I love watching films meant for children. I still share my bed with cuddly toys. I believe in fairies. I think people saying “do do” is hilarious. In short, I neither act nor feel grown up. And yet I have.
So we’ll start with motivation. It used to be that if I couldn’t do something straight away, I’d really depress myself believing that I was never going to manage it. I’d give up before I’d ever really tried. Today, I got given a new training program at the gym. I can’t do it. I have no strength in my arms and they kept giving out. But in 8 weeks when I have my review, I’ll be able to do it. I’ll keep going every week and I’ll get there. I should even be able to exceed it. I’m willing to put the effort in for it. It’s the same with a lot of things now. I’m not reading through pieces of writing thinking “Why do I bother? It’s terrible and I should just stop.” but am instead looking for the areas to improve and moving forward so the next time I write something it’s less terrible. I’ve realised that it takes time and baby steps to do anything well. So I’ve grown up here. I grown enough to motivate myself to things, even if I might not want to (cause seriously, who wants to go to the gym and embarrass themselves with barely lifting a 5kg barbell). I’ve grown up and it’s wonderful.
The second is about changing view points. I suppose to a degree it links in with the motivation. My more personal and emotional writings are now predominantly optimistic where they used to be pessimistic. It links into the motivation because now I’m not giving up I’m finding more successes (though they are mostly minor ones). Obviously this will make me happier and more optimistic about what I can do in future. I’m not letting small failures keep me down in some big pit of misery and failure. I’m climbing out of that pit as quickly as possible and surveying the area around me to try and find a path forward that doesn’t lead to another one (though I just repeat the process if it does now). I’ve grown up and it’s fantastic.
On to the third point then. Seeking out ideas. I used to be one of those writers who would just write on a whim and then write nothing for months on end because the well of ideas in my head had dried up. I failed to realise that it dried up because I fed it nothing new. I hit a wall and stopped waiting for a ladder to magically appear before me. Now I go seek out and build ladders in whatever form I can. They can be prompts or pictures. Earlier I got a random name generated and wrote a short story based on that because whilst I knew that I wanted to write tonight, I had no idea what to write. There are so many ideas out there if you’re willing to look for them, and I’m so happy that I now am. I’ve grown up and it’s actually a brilliant feeling.
Final points then; The key to motivation is smaller goals that build steps up to that daunting big one. The key to optimism is motivation. The key to overcoming barriers is seeking out ladders.
Sorry for the very long me-centric post, I just felt I had to get those thoughts out there.
P.S. Is there any way you’ve noticed you’ve grown up?